Why Can't I Remember How To:

Measure out the appropriate amount of coffee into the French press? I do this every morning and I still don't have it right. You'd think after investigating the proper technique every year or so it would start to be some sort of second nature, but the information always fades away as if I only dealt with it once in a blue moon.

Is it two tablespoons per actual cup of coffee brewed, or one tablespoon per measured cup brewed?

Also, why can't I remember which is which: A tornado watch v. a tornado warning? In my mind it makes perfect sense to think:

"WATCH OUT! Tornado!" 

as apposed to the more casual and permanent:

"WARNING: This area of North America is prone to some pretty fucked up weather events that may include tornadoes, cloudbursts, sheer-line winds, lightening, tropical depressions, heat enough to make your blood boil, and, unreasonably, 5-10 inches of snow."

See what I mean? I'm pretty sure that I have this one all wrong, but I don't think it is entirely my fault that some nincompoop chose to use two words that start with a W to measure our level of freak out preparedness.

One last example of how addled I can get over the most inane things: Whenever I go to get my car inspected and I'm asked to use my turn signals, how often do you think I turn on my windshield wipers? You're right if you guessed 100% of the time. This doesn't happen while I'm driving, you know. I tend to signal left when I'm about to turn left, and right when the right turn is imminent. But ask me to use my turn signals in a non-turning test of the car's roadworthiness and I panic. You wanna see my break lights? OK, let me step on the clutch for you here....Huh? You want me to turn on my high beams? Right: (honk! honk!)

So, what have we learned this morning?

1. Anticipating Skinn's 2 cents: I am a grade-A spaz.

2. Barista's deserve some credit for consistently brewing a fine cup of coffee. (A tip for pouring that cup, however, is downright bogus.)

3. The National Weather Service in Memphis should come up with another method for signaling tornado threat levels. Maybe they should work with the same advertising geniuses who came up with these slogans:



4. My husband should probably just deal with car inspections to save the auto mechanic--who btw may look like a Hell's Angel, but is actually a teadybear--the aggravation.

You Don't Say!

This headline doesn't shock me in the least, and it also helps explain why we are hitting the road:

Mississippi is the Most Conservative State

I'll accept that intelligent people can be conservative, I even know a few; but the variety of conservatism to be found in this state is unique to me. It does not seem to be influenced by the logic of William F. Buckley or the respect for traditional authority to be found in the writings of Edmund Burke. No, this is more of a Rush Limbaugh meets Pat Robertson variety that seems to hate liberals first and ask questions later. It is a knee-jerk, gun-toting, muscular Christian conservatism that doesn't have time for critical thinking, scientific fact, or constitutional liberties other than those protected by the Second Amendment. In other words, this is not a thinking person's conservatism.

I address intelligence, because I don't think it is a coincidence that Mississippi also ranks among the least educated states in the Union. It just goes to show that education has a liberal bias.

Wooh-hoo!

It has finally happened. After 8 months of secret-keeping and misrepresenting the details, I can finally tell everyone the good news: We are moving to North Carolina!

One need only read the blog for the past year to answer the question, "Why?" My fellow and I have had a tough year, and part of the misery has been knowing that we were not made for Mississippi. For all of its much vaunted, and mostly valid, claims to "Southern hospitality", neither P nor I have been all together comfortable here. We have made exceptional friends, and we have had some pretty good times, but in the main, we just weren't content. And that is all we ever really wanted: Contentment. 

Sometime toward the end of last spring semester, P and I had a real heart to heart in which we both finally confessed that we wanted something different. Both of us were afraid to admit for fear that we'd be letting the other down. Once the air was clear, we were resolved. 

P followed a few leads, and good fortune finally found us in January when a job opened up at a research lab in Chapel Hill. He applied and proved to be the perfect fit. Once they offered him the job, we finally relaxed. We are ready to move on. 

The truth of the matter is, P and I are wanderers. Neither one of us has lived in any one place or gone to one school for very long. We like the excitement of a new place and we are happiest when we know interesting days are on the horizon. That said, we are also tender hearted and we feel the loss of so many good friends deeply. The excitement of the move is always tempered by the knowledge that we may be leaving much loved people behind. Nevertheless, we are bolstered by the fact that the real friends are always with us no matter where we go. They recognize a free bed and breakfast opportunity when they see one (wink, wink).

P must report for work on June 1. I am going to stay in O-Town until August. All of you are welcome to visit us any time. 

This calls for a song:

The University of Lame

Follow this link to a huffpost slide show of stock photos representing college life.

Others that they might have included:

"Look! A scroll of paper wrapped in a red ribbon!"

"We are a living Rainbow!"

or

"Our campus is vaguely diverse!"

"Who has one thumb and cheated his way through college? This guy!"

"Don't worry, even our nerds are hot!"

"Math IS hard."

"His parents have already paid for his education. Kinda makes you wonder if your parents give a shit about you, doesn't it?"

WCFC FTW

It has finally happened. I had this email exchange with THE Will Cooley today:

"I was googling myself the other day (it relieves stress) and I came across my fan club again..."

When asked, "what's this "again" business all about? How long have you known about the blog?" he wrote:

"I was at a conference last year and the commentator brought it to my attention (and everyone else's).  He had googled me for my cv apparently."

It has taken nearly three years, but this practical joke has finally paid off. I'm not thrilled that he let it go a year between discovery and admission, but I'm still pleased that he learned about it in a public forum. I hope he was suitably touched!

Don't worry, fan club, I'm gonna keep up the blog even though I've accomplished my goal. There are still too many things to say about music, politics, and life in a university town to stop now. It may be the end of an era, but a new one has already begun.

Welcome, Will.

Seen at Lenora's

For my birthday, I decided to go for brunch rather than a fancy dinner. Consequently, my fella and I went to one of the local fine dining establishments for Eggs Benedict and chocolate cake. It was really nice, although, admittedly, the food was ho-hum. I think I'll opt for the birthday breakfast/brunch from now on. It is so much less stressful than birthday dinner and a lot less expensive. Also, I love breakfast.

While at the restaurant, I was surprised to discover the whereabouts of our University's erstwhile mascot, Colonel Reb.

Now before any of fans of the Colonel get excited, I should tell you straight up: He's dead. Sorry. It gets worse though: His ghost now directs traffic to Lenora's restrooms. Can't say he's resting in peace.

Oh well, I guess that's par for the course. He gave Mississippi the best years of his life and now he's a bathroom attendant. In honor of his years of service, next time your at Lenora's, pour one out for the Colonel. And don't forget to wash your hands.

Meme Meme Meme Meme Meme

Y'all know how I love the memes, especially when they are a nod to other memes. I really like this one because, daggummit, that cat is wearing a tie. And he means business.

Is It Me?

Or does this cat look like Sarah Jessica Parker?

 

well, maybe not.